Too Much TMI
Dear Dharma,
How do I handle this one? My ex-husband and I went our separate ways years ago and have always kept a friendly relationship. We still get along and enjoy each other's and our families' company. We should have never gotten married and just stayed friends but that's all in the past.
The problem now is that he overshares. I know entirely too much about him and his current wife's sexy time. I uncomfortably laugh and say he shouldn't be sharing with me but he doesn't seem to get the subtle hints.
What do I do? I'm embarrassed for his wife as well. Help! Way Too Much TMI
Dear TMTMI,
Awww, that’s nice, isn’t it… that the two of you have stayed friendly and that your ex feels so comfortable with you that sharing this kind of information doesn’t strike his radar as at all inappropriate.
When subtle hints don’t work, as is often the case, it’s time to change tactics.
The next time he starts into his TMTMI shpiel, cut him off and say something along the lines of, “Yeah, I’m actually okay not knowing any of this, so let’s just leave it at that.”
And stop with the uncomfortable laughter, as even that could be seen as encouraging.
After you’ve cut him off, change the subject. Have a couple of topics at the ready so that the transition is smooth and to the point.
If he proceeds with his sharing, which he might, because he may just enjoy your discomfort, simply get up and strike up a conversation with someone else. On the other side of the room.
The point here is about respect. When you make it clear that something makes you uncomfortable, and the other party dismisses that and continues on with the same behavior, respect is seriously lacking.
So hopefully your ex gets the point and ceases with the sexy time stories – if not, consider it a reminder as to why he’s your ex.
Written by Dear Dharma an advice columnist.
